Ten Steps to Constructive, Painless Criticism. How to Painlessly Criticize the Highly Sensitive Employee. Delivering Direct Criticism.
Sunday, June 14th, 2009How to Painlessly Criticize the Highly Sensitive Employee
Delivering Direct Criticism—Ten Steps to Constructive, Painless Criticism
Sometimes you can’t beat around the bush and you need to be direct—but direct does not have to mean hurtful. When you criticize, employ as many of the 10 following psychological factors as are applicable and practical so that your rebuke is received in the way in which it is intended.
1. Without making a big deal about it, let him know you’re saying this because you care—you care about him and your relationship. There is an age‐old saying, “Words that come from the heart enter the heart.” Indeed, only sincere and heartfelt criticism has a chance of being effective. Your ability to communicate that you are motivated by genuine concern and interest for this person and your relationship with him will help your words be received in the way you intended.
2. Always criticize in private. Even if you feel that he would not mind others hearing your comments, do it behind closed doors.
3. First, emphasize her many good qualities and remarkable potential, which paves the way for a critical message to be well received. When this person truly feels that you have great respect and appreciation—perhaps even reverence or awe—then your comments will be heard in a way that does not engage the ego. For instance, “Lori, you’re one of the most productive employees, and I’m continually in awe of how you do what you do. I was just wondering about…”
4. Criticize the act, not the person. In other words, instead of saying, “You’re incompetent or reckless,” it’s better to say, “You’re such a wonderful person, and this behavior doesn’t seem suited to someone of your refined character.”
5. Don’t assume or insinuate that this behavior is something that he’s doing knowingly, consciously, or deliberately. If the situation allows, approach it as something he’s doing unwittingly or even unconsciously.
6. Share some of the responsibility if you can. Notice we don’t say share the blame. This approach makes it you and him against this “thing,” not you against him. You might say something like “I should have been more specific when we covered this.” This approach is, of course, more effective than “I hate it when you…”
7. Offer the solution. If there is no answer, then you should never have brought it up in the first place, because it serves no purpose. And if you believe that no matter what you say, he will not take your advice, then it is also best not to bring it up. If you do, then you are only serving your own interests, and you will not help the situation.
8. Criticism is most effective when you tell him that he is not alone. Conveying that whatever he’s done or is doing is very common (and perhaps even something that you’ve done yourself) diffuses the impact on the ego—meaning that he doesn’t take it so personally. And that’s really the reason he has become so offended.
9. The wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon, stated: “The words of the wise, when spoken gently are accepted.” Remember that your tone is as important as what it is that you are saying. Speaking softly and kindly will help your message be digested in the manner you intend.
10. The best time to criticize is when you are removed from the event. For instance, if a supervisor wants to let Gary know that his conduct in a meeting was disturbing and inappropriate, he should not do so in that same room, let alone during the meeting.
